Adventures in Grocery Shopping

Just had a really eventful trip to my local Winn-Dixie.

Those who know me already know I have a serious problem with people invading my personal space. One particularly annoying practice is people shoving their shopping cart up my ass as I stand in the cashier line. People who do this seem not to understand that they are being exceptionally rude by not paying attention, and hitting someone else with a large metal cage.

It’s as if being aware of one’s surroundings, and not blindly assaulting people with grocery carts, is an unreasonable request. I HATE this. And it happened to me today.

At my local Winn-Dixie, a gentleman, and I use this term loosely, got in line behind me. The first time he shoved his cart against my ass, I simply took another step forward. Accidents happen. He then took this opportunity to move forward himself…again hitting me with the cart, this time a little harder, and continued pushing. Again, I moved forward. The third time however he pushed the cart, then pushed harder when my ass decided to resist being moved, then just left it resting against my ass.

I admit it, I lost my temper.

Without even turning around, I pushed the cart backwards with my foot…It was actually resting against my ass before I did so.

He then lost his temper. Apparently he felt that repeatedly trying to park his cart in my rectum was completely acceptable…while my reaction to his repeated assaults was not.

I explained that he had thrice shoved his cart into my backside and that he should have been paying attention while in such close proximity to others.

He then demanded an apology from me. Really?

He starts getting louder, telling me about all of his terrible health problems and why I’m a horrible person for not simply taking his repeated attempts at giving me a shopping cart aided rectal exam.

At that point I turned my back on him and was handing the cashier my Winn-Dixie card to scan. I no longer cared about this man or the incident.

That’s when a head of Romaine (or perhaps leaf) lettuce hits the counter, spraying vegetation all over me and the cashier. Turning, I see him shove his cart into the cashier area of the register next to us.

He then, literally, gets in my face. He is taller than I am and obviously trying to use this to intimidate me into compliance. He brings his face right into mine. Like close enough that his big man-boobs and my boobs were touching. He then, again, demands an apology.

I now react to his demands.

Placing both hands on his moobs, I shove/walk him several steps backwards, grab his discarded cart, and shove it into his ample belly to put the cart between us; and then push a little more. At this point, he shouts: CALL 911!! I’m being assaulted!! I’m pressing charges!

No one does. This angers him further. He starts yelling and shouting and causing a scene. A Customer Service Manager comes over to try to defuse the situation. He shouts about my assaulting him…after he stepped into my face…and how I kicked the cart back into his faulty liver…after he repeatedly shoved his cart into me.

When she asks me what happened, I tell her to go to the tape.

Finally, he gets pissed enough that he walks out of the store.

I pay for my coleslaw and ask the CSM if I should hang out and wait for the cops. She lets me know they didn’t call them and tells me I don’t have to hang around.

Two other customers decide to walk me out to my car. In the parking lot, a third customer reassures us that the man has left the premises.

Apparently, I was not considered the “bad guy” in this to the rest of the impromptu social group.

You know, I pay attention and still end up accidentally bumping people with my cart. I’m usually tipped off by the fact that the cart stops moving. Being an intelligent person, I understand that the only reason for a cart in a line of people to stop moving is because it has touched someone. I also recognize that, when this happens, pushing the cart harder is not a good idea. Under normal circumstances, I immediately apologize for hitting the person in front of me, and be sure to start paying better attention.

Apparently, I’m an abnormality.

If the person behind me had been a mom wrangling kids, or an old person with fewer motor controls, or a kid learning to use a shopping cart, or anything other than an ambulatory grown man, I would have just let it pass. Shit happens. I get it.

But this wasn’t the case. This was a grown man, in his fifties, with no visible disabilities, who was being flat out rude by not caring enough about those occupying nearby space to avoid pushing his shopping cart into them. And I would have been ok with being bumped, if it hadn’t happened two more times with him also continuing to push the cart even harder all three times.

The person I am talking about in this post either 1) was so completely oblivious that he did not realize why his cart stopped, and on three separate occasions, assumed that there was some sort of time-space malfunction that was impeding his cart’s progress…one that, in his mind, would be relieved by simply pushing the cart even harder into the obstruction 2) was creepily making sure that his cart touched my booty on purpose.

I simply hate rude people.


About pynomrah

I like stuff, and things.
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